Mist Of Tears Amidst the Desert Sun

Alone and submerged in my deepest agony of pain from the loss of my beloved pet, I sit and reflect on how good life has been for me despite of all the trials that I was asked to go through. Change they say is good but I often wonder if these were all true as I have managed to see the path of darkness whenever I opt to go for a change. The beauties that I see in my surroundings are nothing more than a fixture of temporariness in this tumble world of ours. People in our lives come and go and new sprout of lives replace the old but it seems like I cling more to the old these days than to the new.

The silence of the night under the bright and hot desert sky is deafening to say the least but I hear shouted whispers from a distant past. I could not help but to succumb to this tiny inkling memory of what my life has been in the last few years. I have lost so many people in my life, people who left thundering presence in my existence, I have cried about their loss and departure but nothing could be compared to the trauma I have inflicted upon myself when I lost my beloved Nigel. As days go by, my dog reminds me more and more of how wonderful of a life he shared with all of us as I see my now little Sydney mourns endlessly his passing. Sydney is 6 _ years old. She came into our lives when she was mere 8 weeks old and was not once separated from Nigel from that point on. We made sure that they were always together as they both kept each other company during the long hours we were away from home. Sydney has never been the same since Nigel passed. She has spent the last several nights following Nigel's death howling like coyotes in the dead of the night. She has allowed no one to come close to Nigel's bedding and would protect his bowl from anyone who would dare touch it. I cannot look at Sydney without the thundering wail that is about me when I see her sadness. I have not a thought that an animal could feel such an emotion to the point that she stopped eating but only drinking followed the days of Nigel's death.

The heat of the Arizona desert sun could melt even the coldest soul I thought. However in Sydney's case she has managed to freeze her doggie heartache in the time before her as she has spent her days just smelling what was left of Nigel's scent in the house. My Mum broke in tears as I described how Sydney has behaved after Nigel's demise. No one could fathom that such impact could affect an animal the way it has Sydney. My son however is lost at confusion on what is now before him. I am finding more difficult to explain things to him as I myself is sorrowed terribly to what is now happening to poor Sydney. She is drowned in the mist of her doggy tears amidst the heat of Arizona sun. The sign of worrisome emotion could be felt and seen on my face when I think of what shall become of Sydney if she continues to mourn the way she has these past two weeks.

Death has become more like a beginning for me in these last few years. It appears to be that each time someone leaves me a new beginning and the brightness of the horizon afar is seen clearly. The passage of time has taken a great toll in me emotionally. I fear that in order for me to roam a peaceful and content life something must give and depart in my life. I just want to envelop myself in four corners of my emotional wall and barricade myself from the outside world.

photo and article by Deedee