NEW  DRUGS FOR WOMEN

DAMNITOL  
Take 2 and the rest of the  world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.  

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates  melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful  they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till  they moved out!

ST. MOMMA'S  WORT
Plant extract that treats  mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious  for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO  
Liquid silicone drink for  single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening  out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and  prevents conception.

DUMBEROL  
When  taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ,  resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup  trucks.

FLIPITOR  
Increases life expectancy of  commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip  off other drivers.

MENICILLIN  
Potent  anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to  such lethal lines as, 'You make me want to be a better  person. '

BUYAGRA  

Injectable stimulant taken  prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and  credit limit of spending spree.


JACKASSPIRIN  
Relieves headache caused by a  man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone  number, or to lift the toilet seat

ANTI-TALKSIDENT  
A  spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone  too eager to share their life stories with total  strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT  
When  administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the  same irritation level as nagging him, without opening  your mouth.